Okay. Hi I'm Alex, I'm 17. Erm, I enjoy my gaming add me on xbox: iBroadwell follow me on twitter @SpaceSpuds and yeah hehe:3
'Alright, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade - make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons. Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons. I'm going to to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!'

americansavior:

itsjustsatanthings:

cumber-bitches:

caswantsdeansassbutt:

cumber-bitches:

cumber-bitches:

I have fruit polos and lollypops be jealous.

omg do many people not know what fruit polos are? they are heaven

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In America, we call them lifesavers. They can be chewy or hard candy. 

polos aren’t chewy and they also come in mint.

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this week on: britan thinks its special

Britain*

(via peztachios)

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154610
Posted
2 days ago

underthenerdhood:

a little girl who grows up thinking all doors are automatic but actually she’s haunted by a really polite ghost

(via d4r1a)

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81753
Posted
2 days ago

frillious:

camilleonart:

Sleepovers.

this is so accurate i mean like one time at a friend’s we all started laughing over stupid pick-up lines then switched into discussing our deepest fears i just wtf is it something in the air at night

(via arewetheiryet)

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212192
Posted
2 days ago

buttschmidts:

buttschmidts:

buttschmidts:

Do you want to know what real procrastination is?

I can’t do algebra, so in one hour I have taught myself morse code, and I have spent the last ten minuets writing the lyrics to Pompeii fluently in morse

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../.— .- …/-. —- -/.-.. -.— .. -. —.

I am the procratination QUEEN

i did not learn morse in less than an hour for 16 notes

(Source: buttschmidts, via thethought0fyouisnofuckingfun)

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107277
Posted
2 days ago
How to escape after being buried alive in a coffin. →

suzannqueenofhell:

awkward-fallen-demon-in-221b:

freakology101:

timesnewromney:

shickhard:

It could happen to anyone. People bury a person alive to scare them or to get rid of them. In this situation, rely only on yourself.

  1. Do not waste oxygen. In a classic coffin there’s only enough oxygen for about an hour, maybe two. Inhale deeply, exhale very slowly. Once inhaled - do not swallow, or you will start to hyperventilate. Do not light up lighters or matches, they will waste oxygen. Using a flashlight is allowed. Screaming increases anxiety, which causes increased heartbeat and therefore - waste of oxygen. So don’t scream.
  2. Shake up the lid with your hands. In some cheap low-quality coffins you will be able to even make a hole (with an engagement ring or a belt buckle.)
  3. Cross your arms over your chest, holding onto your shoulders with your hands, and pull the shirt off upward. Tie it in a knot above your head, like so: imageThis will prevent you from suffocating when the dirt falls on your face. 
  4. Kick the lid with your legs. In some cheap coffins the lid is broken or damaged already after being buried, due to the weight of the ground above it. 
  5. As soon as the lid breaks, throw and move the dirt that falls through in the direction of your feet. When it takes up a lot of space, try pressing the ground to the sides of the coffin with your legs and feet. Move around a bit. 
  6. Whatever you do - your main goal is to sit up: dirt will fill up the empty space and move to your advantage, so no matter what - do not stop and try breathing steadily and calmly. 
  7. Get up. Remember: the dirt in the grave is very loose, so battling your way up will be easier than it seems. It’s the other way around during a rainy weather however, since water makes dirt heavy and sticky. 

JUST TO PROVE TUMBLR HAS A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR FUCKING EVERYTHING.

just in case guys

Is this how Dean Winchester escaped his coffin guys?

yes, exactly.

(via pikachu-potter)

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230235
Posted
2 days ago

gothgirlsgettingmoney:

My least favorite thing is straight men who come into lush and act like it’s a direct attack on their manhood coming up to me like “I’m in here for my girlfriend” ok thanks for confirming your heterosexuality everyone who likes soap is usually gay

(Source: gendertrashfromhell, via sarcastic-snowflake)

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55873
Posted
2 days ago

dickpong:

dickpong:

THIS STRANGER JUST OPENED MY FRONT DOOR PETTED MY DOG SAW ME AND LEFT

i just met my step-brother for the first time

(via thethought0fyouisnofuckingfun)

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322606
Posted
2 days ago

pawkitj:

best modern family scene ever

(Source: fymodernfamily, via orderoftheginger)

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435618
Posted
1 week ago

fuckyesliampayne:

justiceandromance:

alex-is-fab:

gay-on:

Girls that love gay guys but are disgusted by lesbians.

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Guys that love lesbians but are disgusted by gay guys.

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Anyone who is disgusted by anyone because of their sexual preference.

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SOCKS AND FLIP FLOPS

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(Source: alsohigh, via totallycaesar)

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352714
Posted
2 weeks ago
notanangryvegan:

robot-mama:

I guarantee you, the woman has packed all her stuff, plus her kids’ stuff, plus all the shit her husband forgot to pack. Five minutes into their vacation, dude will be cursing because he forgot something important, and his wife will be like, “Here it is. I thought you’d need it, so I packed it, along with all of your underwear, socks, swimsuit, toothbrush, and deodorant because apparently you confused our family trip to Disney World with an overnight couple’s stay at a nudist colony. You’re welcome.”
Laugh it up, assholes. Without us, you’d be wearing the same underwear three days straight, including poolside.

Fucking right

notanangryvegan:

robot-mama:

I guarantee you, the woman has packed all her stuff, plus her kids’ stuff, plus all the shit her husband forgot to pack. Five minutes into their vacation, dude will be cursing because he forgot something important, and his wife will be like, “Here it is. I thought you’d need it, so I packed it, along with all of your underwear, socks, swimsuit, toothbrush, and deodorant because apparently you confused our family trip to Disney World with an overnight couple’s stay at a nudist colony. You’re welcome.”

Laugh it up, assholes. Without us, you’d be wearing the same underwear three days straight, including poolside.

Fucking right

(Source: mominleggings, via peztachios)

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222225
Posted
2 weeks ago
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